Finding My Way

5,6,7,8... No wonder I was watching CHICAGO this weekend. Apparently, I needed the inspiration.

See, as some of you know, when I decided to take on this marathon, with all the challenges it presents, I said to myself, "If I can do this, then I can do anything." What I thought was going to be the most thing was the running has turned into my limitedness in resources. More simply put, I'm broke, my loved ones are broke, and they only know people, you guessed it, who are broke. When I signed up for this, I took a deep breath, and said to myself, "I will find my unique way." Being part of this was something I had to do.

So when I get nervous, which happens sometimes, I keep saying to myself, "I will find my unique way to the finish line." I need it in moments, for example, like this week, when I will be turning in a recommitment form, which legally binds me to give APLA $3,800 whether I run or not. Scary, huh?

But wait, there's more!

The part that really gets my heart racing is that by the end of September, APLA needs the full amount. So basically, the deal is that they charge your credit card with the remaining balance and then you continue to fundraise until March 2007. Problem is... I don't have a credit card, or rather, should I say, I don't have a line of credit. If I can't get the balance low enough for me to put cash money on the table, I don't get to go. That scares me more than getting injured. That's the panic attack always waiting on the other side of the door.

When that happens, I try not to smoke a cigarette and remind myself that it will work out, and sometimes, I'm fortunate to have that reminder comes from an outside source, as in CHICAGO this weekend. After watching it once for fun, I decided to watch it again with the director's commentary. At one point, Rob Marshall (the director) said that really this story was about how life is a stage and that we are all in search of our unique act. I had to laugh. How true, I thought.

Just like Roxie Hart, I've been fumbling my way towards my goal (while trying not to get caught in the net of certain doom). When I see that, I am reminded of the fact that I'm still standing here is the testament that I will make it to the end. In fact, ever since I've signed up for this marathon, I've always seen myself crossing the finish line. And just as Roxie succeeds in the end, I too will find my own unique way too .... just maybe with a little less razzle dazzle.